Feeling heavy

This is not necesarily how do I look now but it certaily represents how heavy I feel.

It has been a long lasting feeling for over a year. When I decided to swim across Lake Ontario and learned what was needed, my biggest fear was the cold water.
In December I was eager to get into the almost frozen lake and get used to that cold.
I wanted to teach my body, I wanted to get used to it.
After a few times of burning cold water treatments (experiments), a few times of blue lips and long lasting shivering, once that I tried to put my face in the water at 9ºC and felt like needles in my nose bone, I learned that I needed to put some weight to help myself to cope with the cold for a longer period of time.
Turned out that it was a great opportunity to stop caring that much about what I eat. I started eating anything I wanted when I wanted it! I was in some sort of eating paradise. Ice-cream, pecan pies, maple dessert every meal, cereal, any kind of nuts, fruit, cookies, pastries, bread... anything I wanted! there were times when I actually lost weight after a week of long cold training sessions. But at the end of the project, I was the heaviest I have ever been: 82Kg.
After 14 months at the time I am starting to train seriously again I am 79.6 Kg.
That is a big problem... and not at the same time.
I developed eating patterns and habits that had persisted even when the physical activity was removed from my daily routine.
If I want to race fast and feel better I know what to do.
I just need to find the courage deep inside me to do it, and yet at 42, commuting over 4 hours a day, with short times for meals and having to cook earlier in the day or late at night it is making it much harder that I have imagined.
Writing about it is a step.
If someone of you have a goal of loosing weight and want to share the process here or in private I will be very happy to engage in this exercise of writing about it.
Any comments good, bad ...welcome!

Comments

[Swimming Mom]

It's amazing how lost we can feel after such a huge accomplishment. Love you lots... I lost over 100 pounds after my divorce and then trained for Lake Ontario. I'll share all my fun secrets with you if you'd like!!

Thanks for being so open about where you are at. It makes feel not as lonely... nice to know someone else is going through the same. Give our love to Katie.